


A Misguided Conservation Effort

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Doctor/Master - Freeform, Dubious Consent, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, The Vault (Doctor Who), Vault Sex, mildly pornographic, twissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 10:57:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11507982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: “You want me to have sex with him, don't you?” Missy helps out after some aliens hurt the Doctor.





	A Misguided Conservation Effort

Missy looked up as the doors to the vault swung open. She felt an immediate pang of fear when she saw that the two boring ones – Bill and Nardole – were supporting the Doctor between them, holding his arms. His head was down and his feet dragged on the floor as they moved him.

She stood up. “What happened to him?” she demanded.

“There were these aliens,” said Bill as they moved nearer, “they gave him this stuff.”

“Aliens. Stuff. Very informative,” she said sarcastically, stepping forwards to meet them. 

Bill might have had a good response to that, but Nardole cut in. “They were very interested when they found out he was a Time Lord. Then they started saying stuff about their captive breeding programme.”

“They gave him an injection,” said Bill. “To sort of... encourage him.”

“All things aside,” said Nardole, “neither of us is a Time Lord, so that didn't work.”

“Then he got sick and passed out,” added Bill. “Then we escaped and brought him here.”

Missy was fairly sure that she knew where this was going, but she had never lost the urge to provoke people. “So you think he needs a Time Lord,” she said.

The two of them nodded, looking glad she had caught on.

“You want me to have sex with him, don't you?” She kept her expression neutral. It wouldn't do to let them know what she was thinking.

Nardole looked at his feet and shuffled awkwardly. Bill said, “Well, yeah, basically.”

“What's in it for me?” asked Missy.

“What would you like?” asked Nardole.

“I can get you free chips,” offered Bill.

Missy allowed herself a small smile. “You can both owe me something. I'll decide what I want from you later.” She moved closer to them and raised a hand, touching it to the Doctor's cheek. He stirred slightly at the contact, moving his head to lean further into her hand. The poor dear idiot.

Missy turned and gestured to the boring ones. “Okay, bring him over to the bed.”

They followed her, dumping the Doctor unceremoniously across Missy's bed.

Missy untied her scarf. “Do either of you have any condoms?” she asked as she dropped the scarf to the floor.

“I'm a robot,” said Nardole. 

“I'm gay,” said Bill.

Missy sighed at their predictable uselessness. “Fine, I suppose the Doctor can sort something out when he recovers.”

Bill and Nardole stood about rather awkwardly, looking at the Doctor with concern. Maybe they were worried about leaving him with a mass-murderer. 

“I hope you weren't planning on watching,” said Missy. 

“Oh, God no,” said Bill.

She waved her hand towards the door of the vault. “Off you go then, shoo.” 

They hesitated for a moment before turning to leave. Missy waited until the vault doors had shut behind them before turning back to the bed. “Silly Doctor,” she muttered, “what have you got yourself into this time?”

She climbed onto the bed, sitting astride him and looking down at the pathetic idiot beneath her. She placed a hand over his hearts and waited for a moment. “Come on, Doctor, wake up. This won't be any fun at all with you asleep.”

His eyes blinked open. That was a start, even if he did look stoned out of his mind.

“Do you know where you are?” she asked. “Do you know who I am?” She waited for him to respond.

“Missy,” he mumbled after some time. He pushed himself up on his elbows and stared at her blankly.

“Well, that's a start,” she said. She stood from the bed and unfastened the buttons on her blouse. “It'll be more fun if at least one of us is naked,” she said, folding the blouse neatly and placing it on a chair by the bed. Her skirt followed, then she pulled off her boots and removed her underwear. The Doctor was still staring at her, but since it was quite possible that he didn't know what planet he was on it wasn't much of a turn-on.

“Right,” she said, “we'll continue.” She moved to straddle him once more, pushing him down as she did so. “Any help from you would be good,” she said, pointedly. Apparently he understood that much, because he raised a hand to touch her breasts. She pushed her chest out helpfully, moaned more to encourage him than because it was particularly good. 

“Honestly,” she said, “you weren't even this clumsy at the Academy. Fortunately I myself am very good at this sort of thing, so it might not be too terrible.”

He was more awake now at least, moving his hands and running a thumb over a nipple.

“Shall I wait for you to figure out what we're doing or shall I just get started?” she asked. She took his silence as permission and shifted so that she could unfasten his trousers.

Touching his cock got a response out of him. He drew in a deep breath and then moved almost quickly, flipping them over so that he was on top of her. He caught her wrists and she smiled. 

“Gosh, Doctor, are you going all dominant? That's a new one. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I think it's about time you started showing an interest in this little situation of ours.”

He pressed against her and she was beginning to think he had forgotten what to do when he moved the right way and slid into her. “Well done,” she said, kindly. 

He let go of her wrists so that he could pay attention to the rest of her, biting down on a breast and drawing a satisfied little moan from Missy. 

They had done this a few times in the past, but never quite like this. He had never been so careless about it, had never taken her so roughly. She was loving it.

“Good boy,” she said, “that's right. Oh.” She moved with him eagerly, meeting the frantic pace. “Yes,” she moaned, “fuck me.”

She moved a hand between their bodies so that she could touch her clitoris. She wasn't usually one for taking care of it herself but he was too far out of it to be much use to her on that front. She pressed and rubbed and she had always prided herself on being quite good at this. Soon enough she was close to a climax and angling herself beneath him _just so_ she swore loudly as she came. 

After a moment or two the Doctor followed her, then slumped down over her. She smiled and stroked his hair contentedly. “Feeling better?” she asked. 

That broke the moment, and he pushed himself off her suddenly. “Missy,” he gasped. He stood up, trying to refasten his trousers rather desperately. He looked around the room, seemingly unable to look at her. 

“It's fine,” she said, sitting up, “you don't have to thank me for saving your life.”

“What... where... did you...” He stopped. “Wait, I remember now.”

She waved at him to get his attention. “You can look at me, you know.”

He turned his gaze towards her. “You're naked,” he said, but he didn't look away again.

“Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” She swung her legs round so she could sit on the edge of the bed. “Sit down,” she said, patting the space next to her. 

He did as he was told, for once. He didn't seem to know what to say, but she didn't want to push him just yet. “I'll need some sort of emergency contraception,” she said. “Do you have anything on the TARDIS?”

He nodded. “I think so, yeah.”

“And you'd better not have any STDs.”

“Not that I know of.”

They sat in silence a bit until she nudged him with her arm. “That wasn't bad.”

He noticed a bruise forming on her wrist and winced. “I hurt you.”

“I won't hold it against you, you were off your tits on whatever those aliens gave you.”

“Still,” he said, “I'm sorry.” He leaned in and kissed her, just the briefest brush of lips against hers. “Thank you,” he said. “You shouldn't have had to do that for me.”

Missy nodded. “Be more careful in future, I've got better things to do with my life than shag you back to your senses.”

There was a short but awkward silence, more his fault than hers, of course. Missy spoke first. “Your little friends are probably worried about you,” she said “and I need those pills from the TARDIS.”

“Oh, right. Good point.” He stood up. “Do you want me to bring you anything else?” he asked.

“No, but remind the girl one that she owes me a plate of chips. I could do with those now, actually, I'm quite peckish.”

“Chips,” he said, nodding. “I won't be long.” 

“I think I'll put some clothes on,” said Missy. “It's quite cold in here when you're not in the throes of passion.”

The Doctor ducked his head, blushing slightly. Missy stood up and headed over to her wardrobe to grab one of her nightdresses. “I'll see you later, then,” she said. She glanced at the Doctor. If he was waiting for her to declare her undying love for him then he'd be standing there for a very long time. 

“Do you want to -”

“Just go,” she said, “you're starting to annoy me.” She waved him off, pulling a nightdress on over her head. Finally she heard the vault doors slam shut behind him and she relaxed, pleased that he wasn't going to get all emotional at her about what happened. He could be quite ridiculous at times.

She settled down on her bed and waited for her chips to arrive.


End file.
